Because babies are just like inanimate home decor objects

One of my recent sewing projects was to make a few flannel swaddling blankets:

When I was done, I was really excited to practice using them, but of course we don't yet have a baby to swaddle, nor do we have any life-sized baby dolls lying around the house.   So after prowling around the house looking for something roughly newborn-sized, all I could come up with was a decorative vase:

Hopefully this will help the vase sleep through the night without crying. 

This is your brain on baby

Someone needs to do a Public Service Announcement about "Pregnancy Brain" syndrome.  It is real, people.  Or at least, I hope it is, because if it's not, my I.Q. is just dropping like Charlie Sheen's credibility. (And yes, that is the best simile I could come up with.  Deal.)  I've already written about how I'll get distracted in the middle of doing something.  Well, it seems to be getting worse.  I forget to respond to e-mails and text messages, obsessively check my calendar because I can't remember what is happening when, and find myself going upstairs to get something and getting occupied with something else for a good half hour.  Jeromy has started to mutter about me need a personal assistant just to get through my day.  He does, however, love to reminisce about the incident a few weeks ago when I put my fingers straight into the dish of guacamole without getting a chip first.  He started laughing so hard, he was pretty much crying in the middle of Chipotle. 


Anyway, I also forgot to write about a few more updates in my last post.  They aren't huge earth-shattering events or anything, but I had intended to write about them, and it's been bothering me that I forgot.  So here they are:


First, we went on our hospital tour a few weeks ago.  My OB-GYN delivers at a small, quiet hospital in South Austin.  I was a little nervous that it doesn't have a NICU, but my doctor reassured me that if they are worried at all, they have you deliver at one of the bigger hospitals.  We weren't really sure what to expect on the tour; I'm sure Jeromy was envisioning a walk through a hallway of screaming women and crying babies, but the place was pretty much silent.  We got to go into a few of their delivery/recovery rooms, which made it all VERY real, even though most of the machines are kind of hidden away behind paneling.  Some of the rooms have bathtubs, which I'm excited about, not because I want to do a water birth or anything, but because a warm bath is supposed to help with pain management.  Probably the best part of the tour was when the nurse flipped up the leg braces on the bed/delivery table.  They were at a crazy angle, and Jeromy got very wide-eyed.  He leaned over to me and said, "umm, I think you're going to have to do a LOT more yoga in order to be able to use those things."

Another thing that we have checked off of my intense To-Do-Before-The-Baby-Arrives List is finding and meeting with a pediatrician.  I was worried about locating one that is nearby, since we don't live very close in to town, but luckily there is a practice about 7 minutes from our house.  I also thought it was a good sign that this particular pediatrician has been chosen as the Chief of Pediatrics at the hospital that is being built a few miles down the road.  What I did NOT expect was that the pediatrician would be so young.  And by young, I mean about my age.  Obviously I know that there are doctors my age, but it still felt really strange, and I had a hard time resisting the urge to tell her that she was very cute, but where was her mother, the real doctor?  I mean, who has gone to med school, had three children, and been named the Chief of Pediatrics by her early 30s??  The real-life, female Doogie Howser, that's who.  


That said, she was very friendly, and had good answers to all of my questions, so we're going to use her as Doctor's doctor.  Who knows, maybe she and I will bond and end up getting main/pedis together someday.


Since it's Friday, and since I'm easily amused these days, I'll end with this funny video.  I'm sure a lot of you have already seen it, but if you haven't, you should watch it.  *I* thought it was absolutely hilarious, even if Jeromy declared that it's "not quite as snot-bubblingly funny" and I found it to be.  Enjoy!

Third Trimester Fun

As of Saturday, I am 30 weeks pregnant; only 10 weeks to go!

Doctor and I survived the blood glucose test a few weeks ago, and we passed!  I was most worried about drinking several ounces what everyone describes as "nasty sugary orange stuff."  I don't have an excellent track record with drinking yucky-tasting medical liquids.  When I had to drink barium for some testing several years ago, I couldn't keep it down, and they eventually had to mix it with Kool-aid for me, like they do for little kids.  So I was a little stressed out when the lab tech set a timer and told me that I had to drink the orange stuff in under 5 minutes, but I ended up having no problem.  No, the worst part ended up being the 4 needle pokes.  (*If you're squeamish, you should probably skip this part.*)  Whenever I get blood drawn, I always make sure to tell the lab tech that my veins can be hard to find so that they give me a minute to squeeze my fist, etc.  Well, I don't know if I psyched this lady out or what, but it took her a full minute to find my vein.  She was twisting the needle ALL over the place in my arm.  I finally had to look away when she had turned it a good 90 degrees.  They had to take blood 3 different times over the course of 2 hours, and THEN I had to get the shot for being RH-negative.  I went in and pulled up my sleeve, but the nurse was like, "oh, no, honey, we do this one in your hip."  For future reference, a shot "in your hip" doesn't really go in what *I* would call my hip.  And it DOES involve pulling your pants down and bending over the exam table.  Consider yourself warned. 

Jeromy and I have now attended our first of three Childbirth classes, which we are doing through our doula collective. It's pretty small and casual; there are only 3 other couples besides us.  We watched the obligatory birth video, so Jeromy is now suitably traumatized.  The highlight of the evening, though was listening to 911 call from when the instructor had to have an unplanned home birth with her second child.  It was actually pretty funny; you would hear the 911 person give the husband directions (clearly reading from a manual), and the husband repeating them to the doula, who is isn't really responding other than moaning and swearing in the background.  The whole tape is 12 minutes long, and she ended up having the baby before the paramedics arrived.  It pretty much made me want to go rent an apartment RIGHT next to the hospital.  

I can definitely tell that Doctor is getting big and strong.  In the fight for space in my abdomen, Doctor is without a doubt winning against my internal organs.  He especially likes to remind them who's boss every night when I'm trying to go to sleep, so my second trimester run of long, easy nights of sleep seems to be at an end.  The little cute little kicks and bubble-like pops that I used to get so excited about feeling have been replaced by aggressive squirming and gut-punches that kind of hurt.  It feels, oddly enough, like there is a smallish person kicking and pushing me from the inside.  When I mentioned all of this to my OB-GYN, she said, "yeah, very few women are ever really comfortable after 28 weeks."  Nice.  

Just in time for me to go to JURY DUTY tomorrow.  Oh yes.  In general I disapprove of trying to get out of jury duty, and always swore that I would always do my civic duty when I had to, but right now I'm just grumpy about it.  If I have to sit in an uncomfortable chair for 8 hours, I will probably start loudly declaring every single person in the room "guilty."  So here's hoping I look super-pregnant and pitiful tomorrow so they'll send me home.
 
Now for those of you who made it this far through all of my pregnancy drama, here are some 30 week belly pictures!

***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

After helping me get up out of my armchair last night: "I'm going to have to start helping you up with the other arm, too, so I don't end up with just one really strong pregnant lady lifting arm."

Mr. & Mrs. Martha

Some of you may have noticed that I haven't been posting on here as much as I used to.  My only real explanation is that with the beginning of my 3rd trimester came the full force of the nesting urge.  I suddenly want every room in the house to be perfect and finished and clean.  I'm sure part of this has to do with the fact that we've had three rounds of fun house-guests over the last month or so, but I don't think I've ever been THIS determined to get the house ready for people before.  I even went out and vacuumed up the dust and spider web corners in the garage, which I usually leave alone as it is part of Jeromy's Man Domain.  

But I'm sure it will come as no surprise to anyone that most of my nesting urges have centered around the nursery, and I am pleased to say that we have made a lot of progress! 

My mom overseeing the crib assembly

The crib finally arrived and has been set up, and we made a big trip to Ikea to get the rest of the big furniture for the room.  Jeromy successfully used his Tetris skills to fit ALL of the boxes into the back of our small/medium SUV; it was pretty awesome.  I'm pretty sure that the lady in the car next to us was wishing that her husband had played more video games, because he was having a lot more trouble fitting all their boxes in, even though their car was substantially bigger!

Jeromy started painting the nursery this weekend.  It took him a big chunk of the weekend to do just the ceiling and crown molding, partly because he is working by himself, and partly because white paint apparently doesn't cover very well and needs at least three coats. So last night my darling husband declared that the prerequisite for conceiving our next child will be that I have to paint the new nursery ahead of time......by myself.  Which is fair, I guess.

As for me, I put the finishing touches on my first crafty contribution to the nursery last week:

 I did most of the baby quilt in one of my sewing classes, and am now feeling like I MIGHT be ready to start some more sewing projects at home, all by myself, without hand-holding from a sewing instructor.  Up next is the crib skirt, pillows, and maybe even another quilt. May the Martha-Force be with me.

I think Jeromy and I truly hit our crafty Mr. & Mrs. Martha Stewart peak about a month ago, though, when we took a knitting class.  Yes.  I know.  My husband willingly attended a knitting class.  I was shocked, too, but also just tickled, of course.  We were both pretty surprised by how hard knitting was at first, but we both got the hang of it after some practice at home:

PROOF!!

Jeromy successfully completed a very nice, manly washcloth, but it sounds like he's not planning to continue in his pursuit of knitting.  Which is ok. He has other hobbies.  I was just impressed that he was willing to try it.  I'm planning to keep it up; it's a perfect fidgety activity for me to do when we are hanging out in the evenings.  Here's my first completed knitting project:

A cozy wool scarf--a.k.a. belly-hider--just in time for.....Spring.

More of those to come soon, too, I hope.  I only managed to learn the one stitch, but I'm going to learn to purl if it kills me. 

One thing that I did NOT sign up for

Parents and anyone else who is in the know about child-rearing stuff: is this a real thing that people do, or is this just a terrible gimmick that the marketing team at Huggies came up with?  Someone please tell me that this is NOT a thing, and that I'm not going to have to learn "The Potty Dance", because I don't think I can deal. 

Memo to Baby Smith Regarding Test Performance Expectations

Dear Baby Smith (a.k.a. Doctor),

Tomorrow is our Blood Glucose/Gestational Diabetes Test.   As your parent, I should tell you that this will be the first of many high-stakes tests that you will experience in your life.  Hopefully by the time you enter school, the era of over-testing students will be over, but we won't count on that.  Plus, you will certainly still have to take your driving test, the SAT, and college exams. They're no fun, but tests are a part of life.   

With that in mind, I feel that I should tell you that in our household, we do our best to NOT FAIL TESTS.  We are not going to be psycho Tiger Mom parents who expect you to get an A on every test you take, but we do expect you to take tests seriously and always do your best.  If we ever find out that you have filled in the bubbles on one of your answer sheets to make a picture or spell out something obnoxious like "Doctor is Da Bomb" like one of my students did, you will be in BIG TROUBLE.  Like, we might make you wear a t-shirt that says, "I think I'm da bomb even though I only got 10% correct on my state-mandated standardized test" to school for two weeks.  And you will have to hand-wash that shirt each night, all by yourself.  I'm sure your future therapist will have a field day with that one. 

We realize that you will probably fail a few tests in your lifetime, and that's ok.  For instance, if you ever have to take a test that involves musical ability or knowledge, you will probably be screwed, because I'm pretty sure that you only have one blood relative that is musically talented, while the rest of us would qualify for music Special Ed services (if they existed).  

But since tomorrow is your FIRST high-stakes test, let's start out strong by not failing it.   Let's drink the nasty orange sugar solution and show the nurse that Smiths are not test-failers, ok?  Ok.  Good talk.

Love, Mom

Joining Team Hippie

If you asked anyone who knows Jeromy and I fairly well to describe us, chances are, they would NOT use the word "hippies."  In fact, I'd bet a lot of money that nothing in their description would even be in that neighborhood.  "Kinda liberal" maybe, but "granola" or "tree-hugging".....no.  I mean, we take our reusable bags to the grocery store, but we drive there in a (smallish) SUV.  We have more than one TV in our house.  And--maybe most importantly-- we both insist on taking showers every day. Hippie disqualification.

The truth is, though, that we do have some secret hippie tendencies, and I think we are leaning even more in that direction now that we have a baby on board.  You might have guessed this if you read the post where I talked about reading Raising Baby Green.  We've been pretty firmly on the organic food wagon for a while, but now there's the whole world of non-toxic toys and organic baby clothes to think about, too.  (Organic baby clothes are pretty expensive, though, so I'm planning to just wash all of Doctor's little outfits in vinegar a few times, which is supposed to strip a lot of the chemicals.  And no, I don't have a scientific study to back that up.) 

There are a couple of pretty big decisions we've made recently that might place us on Team Hippie.  Both of these choices have already gotten some strong reactions from people (positive and negative), so maybe I'm asking for it by advertising them to an even wider audience, but here goes. 

First, I never thought I'd say this, but I'm going to TRY to give birth without any medication.  Key word being "try."  As my mom pointed out the other day, I'm a little less than excellent with pain.  And Jeromy can tell you that the last time I had some kind of 24-hour flu (about a week before our wedding) I kept insisting that having even a sheet over me made my skin hurt unbearably, and that I was almost definitely dying.  So it's entirely possible that when I'm actually in the delivery room, I'll start slapping anyone who dares to come near me without a big fat epidural needle.  We'll see.  I certainly don't think epidurals are bad and evil; I just think they're kind of scary and have some potential risks and downsides.

So, as I've mentioned before, one step that we're taking to help with the no-medication/no-Rebecca-punching-people plan is hiring a doula.  Well, actually, several doulas.  We signed up with a doula collective, which means that the specific doula we have at the labor will depend on who is "on call" when it happens. I've tried to explain to a few people exactly what a doula does, and I'm sure I'm not doing the best job of it, but this is what my understanding is.  Basically, a doula's purpose is to help make the labor as comfortable as possible for the mother, and to take some of the pressure off the father in terms of coaching, decision-making, etc. They come to the hospital with their secret earth mother birthing wisdom, and bring magical doula tools with them, like heat packs and a birthing ball.  Which I think is just one of the big exercise balls, but still, it's supposed to help.  When we went to the "Meet the Doulas Night" back in December, they had a couple who had recently delivered with a doula there as guest speakers.  When the mom described the doula rubbing her back (to counter the pressure of her contractions) for NINE HOURS, I was ready to write a big fat check then and there.  Jeromy can rub my back for about four minutes before his hands get tired.  He'd be in the corner whimpering in pain by the time they got me hooked up to the monitors.  Hence, the doulas are going to be our new BFFs. 

The other hippie decision we've made is to try to use cloth diapers.  I know it sounds a little crazy, and it's something else that I never thought I'd go for.  Cloth diapers have come a long way since the white squares that had to be origami-folded around your baby and pinned, though.  They now basically look and work like cloth versions of regular diapers.  Again, I'm totally NOT judging people who use disposable diapers; I'm sure we will be using them when we're not at home.  But from what I've read, there are some advantages to cloth diapers--fewer rashes and "blow-outs" (eww), easier potty-training, etc.  Plus, it actually ends up being quite a bit cheaper in the long run.  And look how cute they are!

This one is from a brand called Fuzzibunz...

...probably because they are, you know,  fuzzy on the inside

We are still making some other decisions that will probably earn us hippie demerits.  I'm going to give birth in a hospital, where they have lots of nice beeping machines (-10 points).  Our son will be circumcised and vaccinated (-15 points).  We do not plan to have him sleeping in the bed with us (-5 points).  But are we are on our way to earning our Hippie Parents badge?  I think we could be...  

***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

 After waiting for me to finish getting settled in bed with my poufy comforter and body pillow: "Look how much space you're taking up already!  Pretty soon I'm going to need a co-sleeper just for my butt so I don't fall off the bed."

This is a co-sleeper, for those of you who don't know what one looks like....just imagine Jeromy's backside instead of the baby. 

 

Fetal math lessons and an extended car metaphor (Warning: contains moderate to high pregnant lady whining)

As of Saturday, I am officially six months pregnant!  Baby Boy Smith is due to arrive in about four months!  

And yes, if you are checking my math, I do realize that adds up to ten months, not nine.  A lot of people don't know (I certainly didn't) that they actually calculate your due date as being at 40 weeks of pregnancy, although they do start counting two weeks before you actually get pregnant.  It's hard to explain, but I can tell you that the whole counting system makes Jeromy very suspicious of the obstetrical profession.  

Anyway, here is what's going on with Doctor and I this point:


According to the books, our little guy now weighs between a pound and a pound and a half, and is almost a foot long!  It certainly feels like he's getting huge; I'll feel a kick on one side of my stomach right before a punch all the way on the other side.  And then, sometimes, I'd swear that he's just sitting in there head-butting me repeatedly.


At certain times of the day when Doctor is really going nutty, I can lay down and watch my stomach ripple and jump around, which on a Weird Scale of 1 through 10, rates about a 12.  I honestly had no idea you could ever see babies move this much...it looks like there is an alien trying to use my belly button as an escape hatch or something.  I try to make Jeromy sit and watch my stomach like it's better than an episode of 30 Rock, but apparently Doctor is a contrary little fetus, because he usually stops when he has an audience.  We are going to have to work on the whole "following parental requests" thing, stat.


 Also according to the books, Doctor should now be able to hear our voices and loud noises like the vacuum, the dog barking, etc.  I read that babies who hear classical music regularly while they are in the womb do better in math, so I'm trying to listen to the classical station for 30 or so minutes a day.  It's pretty boring, and I got a serious eye roll from Jeromy on this one, but whatever.  He's good at math so he doesn't really understand.  If a little less Lady Gaga and a little more Beethoven might prevent my kid from crying in his calculus professor's office every day for an entire semester like his mother did, then I'll give it a shot.

Apparently the food that I eat from now on will help shape Doctor's eating preferences, so we've been trying to eat important stuff like kale and mint cookies 'n cream ice cream and Indian food.  Let's hope it works; if this child doesn't like spicy stuff Jeromy will definitely spend the next 18 years giving him disappointed looks across the dinner table.


Now here's where some whining begins...

I have to say a little surprised by the overall discomfort of pregnancy.  I do feel a ton better now than I did during the first trimester, but I am not about to describe the second trimester as being "magical" like some women apparently do.  I was telling Jeromy yesterday that it's kind of like having your car in the shop for a while, and having to drive around a rental that sort of looks like your car, but is much less comfortable and doesn't work as well.  This rental car is slower and bigger and needs to pull over at rest stops a lot.  Plus you know deep down inside that when you get your car back, it's probably never going to be the same as it was before.  But I guess at least this rental car is taking me on a really exciting and important  journey.  I know that's completely cheesy, but it does make me feel a little better.


I do seem to be having a bit of "pregnancy brain,"  which is another weird symptom.  Apparently growing a human hogs a bunch of brain cells or something; I feel like I have developed A.D.D.  The other day I was in the middle of reaching to get something for Jeromy, and I got distracted by something else and picked it up instead.  Poor Jeromy thought I had just decided to ignore him.  I also keep turning the wrong way out of the neighborhood, so if I'm late meeting you somewhere, that's probably why.


 I also think I'm getting carpal tunnel syndrome.  Oh, but that couldn't possibly be pregnancy-related, you say?  But it is.  Supposedly 30% of women get it.  Again, NOT something that is well-publicized in any kind of "So You Want to Have a Baby" brochure.  Probably because it sucks.

My biggest problem (and my last complaint, I swear!) is the having-to-pee-ALL-THE-TIME thing.  It is RIDICULOUS.  Anytime I leave the house these days, I have to plan out my route and stops based on available bathrooms.  And, as some of you may know, I HATE using public restrooms.  Which makes it especially unfortunate that I've probably had to use more public bathrooms in the last month than I have in the last ten years combined.  I feel like I should probably write a book called The Pregnant Lady's Guide to Austin's Public Bathrooms ("Bee Caves Target: usually needs to be cleaned, frequently out of paper towels.  North Babies 'R Us: small, cramped, dirty floor, but does have yummy-smelling Bath & Body Works Soap.")
 

 ***Gems from Jeromy***

Today's Gem from Jeromy is in the form of a picture of my dignified husband modeling the hooded towel that Grandma and Grandpa Smith sent to Doctor:

Priceless, right?

Baby's First Intervention

Dear Baby Boy (a.k.a. Doctor):

I know how much you enjoy shopping for your chic-but-manly little baby clothes, because you are stylish and metro like that.  I enjoy it too, especially since it's less expensive and way more coo-inducing than shopping for maternity clothes.  But I think we better cool it for a while, or Dad is going to take away our credit card.  And then we'd have to stay home and do boring stuff.  Like cleaning. 

Love, Mom

The Closet of Cuteness

 

The pros and cons of procreating with an enginerd, and the only reason I'd ever say "Take the gun. Leave the cannoli."

Jeromy deserves a husband medal of honor after this weekend....we took a couple of trips into town in order to do our baby registries and to look for some nursery furniture.  Like most guys, Jeromy does not love shopping.  He'd rather be playing video games, or probably even washing the dishes.  But Jeromy especially does not love shopping with his pregnant wife who feels compelled to spend hours examining the flaws and features of diaper bags and car seats, but who also whines about back pain and has to take a pee break ever 10-25 minutes.  

I knew the whole situation was going to make him grumpy.  I even stopped in at the baby store the day before to ask when was the least crowded time to come in and register without too much hassle.  
Saleslady: "Well, the best time to come in is definitely during a UT football game."
Me:  "Ummm....isn't the season over for this year?"
Saleslady: "Oh, I guess so."
Me: "Yeah.....my baby is due in May.  This does not help me."

When we did go in, I wanted Jeromy to mainly focus on the more technical baby stuff that has to be assembled and plugged in and all that business.  So I led Jeromy to the infant swings.
Me: "Ok, so you need to look at these and figure out which ones are good and which ones are crappy."
Jeromy: "Umm, I can't really tell that just by looking at them."
Me: "Well, I know, we should try them out and play with them and all that."
Jeromy: [after messing with a few] "I don't know.  I can't really tell."
Me: [giving him the special wifely look that says that I'm having a mental floor-kicking hissy fit] "What do you MEAN you don't know?!  You're an ELECTRICAL ENGINEER."

I do think I deserve some credit for not making him look at the breast pumps though.

Some other baby gear shopping Gems from Jeromy:

Me: "We should probably get one of these rubber duckies that changes color if the bath water is too hot."
Jeromy: "Nah, don't put that on the list.  We can just use my infrared thermometer."
Me: "Umm, ok."

Jeromy posing with his infrared thermometer on Christmas morning. 

Me: "Janet sent me a link to a one-day deal on the video monitor they bought.  It looks pretty good, so I was going to go ahead and get one."
Jeromy:  "No, don't buy one yet.  Let me do some research.  We might be able to set up a system where we can watch the baby on our iPhones."
Me: "Umm, ok."

I have to admit that I was really excited about registering.  And not just because it helped to satisfy my intense get-ready-for-this-baby-by-finding-the-perfect-baby-products nesting urge.  I also got the fulfill my long-held desire to use.....the registry gun.  

I have no explanation for why I'm so fascinated by these; I'm not THAT into technology gadgets, and I'm certainly not a fan of guns.  When we got married, we registered for our honeymoon and a set of handmade pottery dishes rather than the typical stuff, which I don't regret for a second, but I was a little sad not to get to use the gun.  Especially after I found out that Crate & Barrel does special registry events with champagne and hors d'oeuvres.  Yes, please.  I am still tempted to make Jeromy to take off his wedding band and go with me to pretend to be my brother and his fiance and register for them while they are out of the country.  I'd have to skip the champagne, and we might get some awkward "oooohh, you got pregnant and now you have to get married" looks, but I would still get to use the gun and eat finger food!

Anyway, I finally got to use a couple of registry guns this weekend, and it was pretty fantastic.  

In other news, I have updated the

page, so check it out and give some advice if you are interested!