Reasons Why It's a Good Thing I'm Not Teaching While Pregnant
morningall-freaking-day sickness, obviously. In all of my teacher training, "routine vomiting" was never listed as an effective classroom management technique. I can't imagine being "that teacher who barfed on her copy of The Odyssey" for the rest of the year. It would definitely lead directly to reason #2....
- The crying. In my real life, I'm not really much of a crier, unless I am watching Steel Magnolias or The Notebook (after we watched this one, I didn't stop blubbering until Jeromy promised to read to me when we get old). However, the magical pregnancy hormones make you into an emotional sad-sack. To be fair, the only time that I've really, truly cried was when I, a PC-user for 25ish years, couldn't figure out how to get my Mac to do something I really wanted it to do and had a meltdown (Jeromy thought this was HILARIOUS when he came home from work and I told him). However, several things have had me lip-quivering and teary in the last 3 months, including: a seeing-eye dog, every single Project Runway elimination, reading strangers' birth story blogs, and Jeromy not wanting to buy a new mattress yet. I can only imagine the waterworks that would occur if I had been forced to read a nasty parent e-mail or grade a huge stack of essays while I'm in this state.
- The need to pee every 10 minutes. Even if I could have brought myself to use the girls' bathroom on our hall (nightmare) instead of the farther-away faculty restroom, I still would have been in trouble. It is DANGEROUS to leave a room of 9th graders unsupervised. You'd probably come back to find one of the principals wanting to know why Little Timmy just used his cell phone to call his mommy to tell her that he'd been taped to a chair. "Because I had to pee" probably wouldn't cut it in that parent conference.
- The at-home grading and prep time. I can't be grading essays and re-reading Romeo and Juliet! These pregnancy and baby books aren't going to read themselves, hello!
- The stomach hokey-pokey. Some of the older teachers I know used to swear that, towards the end of their pregnancies, the students could SEE the baby moving around and would be mesmerized. That's just what I would have needed while trying to keep 14-year-olds focused on grammar! No. Just...no.
|This is what my classroom would look like if I left the room for more than 45 seconds.|
|Please Note: I would never wear this outfit. There's just a limited selection of "pregnant teacher" pictures out there.|
FOUR MONTHS pregnant tomorrow! Woohoo!! Happy Weekend, everyone!