The 1970s Called, and They Said Just Go Ahead and Keep Those Maternity Fashions. They Don't WANT Them Back.

A couple months ago, my mom came to visit and brought with her a few books that SHE had read when she was pregnant with me.  That she had saved them for 30 years is pretty amazing in and of itself; my mom, unlike me, is not a "saver" and is fairly diligent about purging old stuff out of the house.  

The books that helped bring me into this world.  Read on to see why that's kinda scary....

Your child from Birth to Two Years seems to be mostly about what toys will benefit your child's development at each stage.  I don't remember having any of the toys pictured, but that could be because the book, copyrighted in 1971, was already 10 years old by the time I was born, and toy technology had advanced considerably.  Or it could be because I was an infant and didn't have the capacity to remember much beyond what I had drooled on within the last hour.   The only thing that really jumped out to me in this book was that they recommend tying a string of bells inside your child's crib.  If you do this NOW, I'm pretty sure a Child Protective Services SWAT team will rappel from your roof and have you handcuffed on the floor before you can say "strangulation hazard."

Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

Now, the 1977 version of A Child is Born is the one that was REALLY fun/horrifying to look at. I didn't take the time to read over it completely, but I did come across a few excellent nuggets of wisdom:

• "Alcohol is perfectly safe in small quantities.  An occasional glass or two of wine or a cocktail, will do no harm.  Smoking should be avoided.  It is not known whether smoking actually harms the fetus, but women who smoke often give birth to smaller babies."  Note that the book doesn't say anything about drugs.  Apparently crack is ok as long as you play it safe by not smoking, and only have a few (!!!) drinks.
• "Few women use maternity girdles any more."  I don't know WHAT in world a maternity girdle is, but considering the fact that I can already barely stand to have even an elastic waistband across my stomach, it sounds like a special kind of pregnant hell.  Like things aren't uncomfortable enough already.

No thank you.

• In the "Near the Time" chapter, the book describes all of the miserable, awful symptoms that the pregnant woman will be dealing with in the last trimester, and says, "She is in need of a little sympathy.  At home, her husband teases her and says she is expecting quintuplets."  So, just like all women get swollen feet and have a hard time standing up in late pregnancy, apparently all husbands make the same corny jokes and think they're funny.  

But the very best part about this book is the pictures!  Holy 70s hair, Batman.   Here are a few of my favorites:

This expecting couple seems to have taken a break from cutting out bunny shapes in order to admire the woman's incredibly high-waisted pair of preggo-pants.  She was so proud of them, she made sure to tuck her turtleneck in to the waistband so that nothing covered up their glory.

This lady is either REALLY enjoying her prenatal exercise class, or is REALLY pleased with her I-just-laid-on-this-mat-for-a-while hair situation.  Or maybe she just had her recommended "glass or two" of wine before class.

I think we're going to say that this woman is suffering from the infamous "pregnancy brain" forgetfulness.  The poor thing FORGOT to put on her awesome high-waisted pants before she left the house, and had to do her prenatal exercises in her undies.  Her baby needs counseling already.

Now, I have to tell you that some of the most entertaining/shocking/horrifying pictures are NOT ones that that I can post here.  Because I don't want to have to add the "Adult Content" or "Graphic Images" warning to my sweet little blog.  Let's just say that when I flipped to the last chapter of the book, Jeromy made lots of loud EWWW YICK noises and quickly left the room.  I was a little less traumatized, but DEARLY wished that I could send a good bikini waxer back in time.  For everyone's sake.

***GEMS FROM Jeromy***

The other night we were laying in bed and watching The Daily Show before going to sleep.  Jon Stewart (because he is brilliant and amazing) said something that made us both laugh.

Rebecca:  "Oww!  I just got a weird, sharp stomach pain!  What the heck??"

Jeromy:  "You were probably just getting your cord yanked.  You know, Doctor was like, "Hey!  Lights out!  It's bed time, Mom!"

What to Read When You're Expecting (and Really Intense About It)

Check out my impressive stack of baby homework:

An O.C.D. Pregnant Lady's Paradise!

Reading a book is pretty much my answer to everything.   Getting married?  Read a book about wedding planning.  Getting a puppy?  Read some books about dog training.   Running to grocery store for some milk?  Maybe consult a book about savvy shopping strategies before getting in the car.  So, OF COURSE when we got on the baby train, I started burning up Amazon. 

I probably should have added another book to the picture; I actually bought What to Expect BEFORE You're Expecting about a year ago.  I'm sure it was written for women exactly like me who are all, "I don't just need to be told what to do when I get pregnant, I need to be told what to do when I'm just thinking about getting pregnant!! I need to be prepared like a good Girl Scout!"  So the book is basically like, All right, O.C.D. thinking-about-getting-pregnant lady, start taking prenatal vitamins.  Eat healthy food.  Don't smoke. Start taking your temperature and getting WAY too familiar with your own body to figure out your fertilty.  And, of course, I was "OK!!!! I. am. ON. it!!

And THEN, in September, I got to graduate to What to Expect When You ARE Expecting  Yessss!  I had been super tempted to buy it ahead of time.  Every time I walked by the book section in Target, it was like, Oh, go on, Rebecca.  Just pick me up and take me home.  You finished reading the training-wheels book, now read the REAL pregnancy book.  But I was noble and strong.  I held out until after we saw the magical double pink lines. About three hours after, to be exact.

And now, 3 months later, I have not only been religiously reading the WTEWYE chapters that correspond with each stage of my pregnancy, but my highlighter, underling pen (What???  The teacher force is strong in this one, ok?) and I have worked our way through 4 of the other books, too. 

You can take the girl out of teaching, but you can't take the teacher out of the girl...

I was very excited about the Consumer Reports baby product guide.  This is definitely a Consumer Reports household.  We will do and buy pretty much whatever they tell us to.  Which was the only problem with the book: they didn't tell me EXACTLY which products to buy for each category.  It was more like, "here's what to look for, and here are some of the options."  Not acceptable.  I don't want a ratings chart for just the big stuff like strollers, I want one for EVERYTHING.  Including pacifiers and burp cloths.

The Baby Name Wizard was pretty fantastic.  Again, tailor-made for people like me.  It doesn't just have names and their meanings, it has GRAPHS of each name's popularity, so you can try to pick something that isn't gaining in popularity too quickly.  I LOVE a good graph, as long as I don't have to answer an SAT question about it.

If Rebecca's train left Colorado in 1981, and Jeromy's train left Indiana in 1977 via Tennessee, when will the two trains meet up in Austin?  You may use a 4-function calculator to help you.

Raising Baby Green was also worth reading, because I am fairly paranoid about pesticide-laced food and BPA-ridden plastic and everything that is made in China.  Early on in the pregnancy, I had a freak-out after reading an article about all the nasty wireless signals flying around our whole world.  I think Jeromy half expected to come home and find me huddled in a corner with an entire box of tin foil wrapped around my abdomen.  Hopefully this book will help me deal with those feelings.  I do realize I will have to be careful not to go overboard with this book, though.  I don't think Jeromy will go for it if I tell him that we are going to grow our own bamboo and then fashion it into a crib using spit and mud in order to avoid toxic glue fumes.  

Doesn't QUITE fit in with my vision of the perfect nursery....

I haven't read Superbaby or the childproofing book yet. I still have almost 6 months to go, so I'm trying to pace myself.  I think Superbaby is all about teaching your baby sign language and Spanish as soon as they pop out of the womb.  I'm sure I will be all over it.  


UPCOMING POST TOPICS (Just to get you all excited!)

• A look at the baby books that my mom saved from the early 80s.  Frightening AND hilarious!
•  A rant about my biggest pet peeve with holiday decor.  Hopefully with pictures.  I think it will be a non-pregnancy-related post...try not to fall out of your chairs.

And now.....HE'S BACK!!!

 

***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

Discussing Christmas gifts: 

Jeromy: "I don't know what I gonna get you yet. [Pause]. Wait! I forgot!  I already got you something!"

Rebecca: "Oh, come on.  You did not."

Jeromy: "Yes, I did!  I got you a bun in the oven!  I'm covered this year!"

How do you argue with that?

3 Signs That My Body Is, in Fact, Being Taken Over By a Tiny Person with Jeromy's DNA

1. In my non-pregnant life, I take showers that are just a hair cooler than scalding.  I LOVE hot water.  If there was a way to take a book, my computer, and some snacks in there, I'd wallow in a hot shower all day long.  Jeromy HATES hot water.  He likes his shower water just a hair warmer that the penguin pool at the zoo.  After getting in the hot tub at the ranch one time, Jeromy laid on the couch gasping like a dying fish for the rest of the evening and was overheated and whimpering for like two days.  Since I've been pregnant, hot water has become my nemesis.  I want to go in wearing a scuba tank that feeds me cold air to breathe, because the hot, damp shower air makes me feel like I'm suffocating.  I find myself pondering just how necessary it really is to wash my hair.  There is no more contented lingering in the steamy goodness.  Rebecca Genes: 0; Jeromy Genes: 1.  (BTW...if you do a Google search for "Hot Shower" images, you get a lot of less-than-appropriate hits.  I probably should have known better.)
2. For the last 15 years or so, I've had at least one hot beverage almost every day.  When I was teaching, I was pretty much incapable of starting my day without either stopping at Starbucks for a latte or making a mug of tea as soon as I got to school.  Pre-hot drink Mrs. Smith was not the sharpest piece of dust-free chalk in the box.  Jeromy, on the other hand, will only drink a hot beverage if it's below freezing outside, chilly inside, and you're offering him gourmet hot chocolate.  Since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to stomach my morning tea, even decaf peppermint.  I had to start buying juice just to have something to drink with my breakfast.  Even though we're headed into the winter months, I'm still hitting the heavily iced water and Italian soda instead of my impressive tea collection.  Rebecca Genes:0; Jeromy Genes: 1.

3. In my "real" life, I enjoy Mexican food about as much as the next Austinite.  I'd be up for going to one of our local Mexican restaurants once every few weeks, but mostly because we were meeting friends and I knew that a prickly pear margarita or pitcher of sangria would be involved.  When it comes to the actual food, I usually prefer Italian or Asian dishes.  Jeromy, however, LOVES Mexican food--the spicier the better.  He usually eats Mexican food (often at lunch) at least twice a week.  If he won the lottery, Jeromy would fulfill one of his most cherished dreams by hiring a Mexican grandma to make tortillas just for him. If I ever won the lottery, I would hire an Italian grandma to make fresh pasta for me (as well as a full-time personal trainer to help me burn all those calories!)  Well, since I've been pregnant, Mexican is the only type of food that has NOT disgusted me at one point or another.  Italian food has often been on my "I don't Even Want to Think About It" list.  Many nights when Jeromy has left it up to his picky pregnant wife to pick the restaurant, I've picked a Mexican place (despite being in the No-Margarita Club) and attacked the salsa like Sarah Palin going after air time on TV.  Needless to say, this is one pregnancy symptom that Jeromy has been genuinely thrilled about.  Probably the only one.  Rebecca Genes: 0; Jeromy Genes: 1. 

Yes, I did make Jeromy take my picture at the Mexican restaurant.  He was super mortified excited.

 

Final Scores:

Rebecca Genes: 0

Jeromy Genes: 3.

Jeromy Genes win.  For now.

***Gems from Jeromy***

[Silence.]

I am running out of Gems.  Jeromy has caught on to the fact that I secretly write down the crazy things he says, and now either says things that are inappropriate enough that he knows I won't post them, or he restrains himself from commentary.  Blog-party pooper. 

5 Reasons Why I'm Glad I'm Not Mixing Teaching and Baby-Gestating

 Several people expressed confusion and/or surprise when I quit my job before getting pregnant.  One extremely helpful neighbor even told me that I was "doing things backwards" and that "most women work right up until their water breaks!"  (Thank you, sir.  I am no longer going to keep my dog out of your perfect front yard.  Enjoy.).  We knew that we were sort of putting all of our eggs in one basket (hah!) by making the decision not to renew my contract, but our feeling then--as it is now--was that it was the best plan.  I know that most people don't have to luxury of staying home while they are pregnant, and I am completely in awe of the ladies I know who managed to teach--and be great at it--while they were pregnant.  That said, here are my


Reasons Why It's a Good Thing I'm Not Teaching While Pregnant 

1. The morning all-freaking-day sickness, obviously.  In all of my teacher training, "routine vomiting" was never listed as an effective classroom management technique.  I can't imagine being "that teacher who barfed on her copy of The Odyssey" for the rest of the year.  It would definitely lead directly to reason #2....
2.  The crying.  In my real life, I'm not really much of a crier, unless I am watching Steel Magnolias or The Notebook (after we watched this one, I didn't stop blubbering until Jeromy promised to read to me when we get old).  However, the magical pregnancy hormones make you into an emotional sad-sack.  To be fair, the only time that I've really, truly cried was when I, a PC-user for 25ish years, couldn't figure out how to get my Mac to do something I really wanted it to do and had a meltdown (Jeromy thought this was HILARIOUS when he came home from work and I told him).  However, several things have had me lip-quivering and teary in the last 3 months, including:  a seeing-eye dog, every single Project Runway elimination, reading strangers' birth story blogs, and Jeromy not wanting to buy a new mattress yet.  I can only imagine the waterworks that would occur if I had been forced to read a nasty parent e-mail or grade a huge stack of essays while I'm in this state.
3. The need to pee every 10 minutes.  Even if I could have brought myself to use the girls' bathroom on our hall (nightmare) instead of the farther-away faculty restroom, I still would have been in trouble.  It is DANGEROUS to leave a room of 9th graders unsupervised.  You'd probably come back to find one of the principals wanting to know why Little Timmy just used his cell phone to call his mommy to tell her that he'd been taped to a chair.  "Because I had to pee" probably wouldn't cut it in that parent conference.



This is what my classroom would look like if I left the room for more than 45 seconds.

4. The at-home grading and prep time.   I can't be grading essays and re-reading Romeo and Juliet!  These pregnancy and baby books aren't going to read themselves, hello!
5. The stomach hokey-pokey. Some of the older teachers I know used to swear that, towards the end of their pregnancies, the students could SEE the baby moving around and would be mesmerized.  That's just what I would have needed while trying to keep 14-year-olds focused on grammar! No.  Just...no.  

Please Note:  I would never wear this outfit.  There's just a limited selection of "pregnant teacher" pictures out there.

I will say that the "so, what do you do?" question now makes me wince. Being about to respond with "a high school English teacher" usually elicited comments like "wow, that's great" or "gosh, I could never do that" and I always had a steady stream of crazy teaching anecdotes to make small talk with.  But now I have to say, "oh, I stay at home" or something awkward like that.  Which does NOT get the same response.  People look kind of uncomfortable or mildly disgusted.  When I explain that I'm a Stay-at-Home-Mom-in-Training, several women have made a point of listing all of the reasons that they don't or didn't stay home with their kids.  It's hard not to interrupt them with, "Look, I'm not judging you, working mom!  You made the decision that you thought was best for your family, and I'm doing the same!  Just because I didn't think *I* could effectively juggle my job and a baby, doesn't mean that I think YOU can't be awesome at it.  Now settle down and go back to your two-salary household!"  I think once I actually have said baby in hand, it will be a little easier to answer the profession question, but if any of you stay-at-home-moms out there have an suggestions on handling this issue, I'd love to hear them! 

FOUR MONTHS pregnant tomorrow!  Woohoo!!  Happy Weekend, everyone!

33 Day Countdown!! (and meet my new bed buddy)

Today I had my third appointment with the OBGYN.  Since it was supposed to be fairly short and uneventful, Jeromy opted not to come with me this time (shocking, right?).  When we went in last month, the nurse couldn't find the baby's heartbeat using the doppler, but it wasn't a big deal, because we had just heard it on the ultrasound a few minutes earlier.  She said it would be "much easier" next time.  Great.  But today, she played the same fun "gee, I can't find the heartbeat" game with me again.  After mashing the doppler wand into every corner or my stomach (ouch) and spreading cold goop all over my abdomen and the top of my jeans, she finally gave up and said she'd let the doctor try.  She did say that she could hear the baby moving and kicking back at the doppler wand, which surprised me.  I was pretty calm, having had the same experience last time, but I definitely would have flipped out if the doctor hadn't been able to find it, either.  Luckily, when my doctor came in, she found the heartbeat in about two seconds...so everything was good!

I also found out today that I have RH negative blood, which means that I'll have to get some injections later on to make sure that my blood doesn't attack the baby's blood.  Sounds like something from a freaky sci-fi movie to me, but ok, whatever you say, doctor.  

The most exciting moment today was getting to schedule our BIG ultrasound!  We'll go to a perinatalogist on January 3rd for the anatomy ultrasound.  Yay!!  Several people have asked us if we're planning to find out the baby's gender.  Ummm...YES.  While I totally admire people who can wait and be surprised...we're too impatient and excited!  And by "we," I mean mostly me, but Jeromy is definitely in favor of finding out sooner rather than later.  Hopefully it will work out; we talked to someone recently who couldn't find out because the umbilical cord was between the legs when they did the ultrasound!  NOT Ok!  So now you can watch the Ultrasound Countdown Clock on the right side of the blog page AND vote in the Smith Baby Gender Poll!  That's right, my blog is cool and interactive like that. 

I think my nausea has mostly gone away, which I'm really excited about!  Now my biggest challenge is trying to train myself to sleep on my side.  I'm pretty much to the point that I'm not supposed to lay on my back at all, because the weight of the baby could cut off a major blood vessel.  I've been trying to sleep on my side for a while, but I always end up on my back.  Jeromy even pulled the mattress off our bed in order to try to fix our squeaky bedframe; he's a little tired of my tossing and turning.  I went out and got a body pillow--hopefully it will help!

Me and my new favorite bedmate

 ***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

On paying the bill at Maudie's, our favorite Mexican restaurant: "This is WAY cheaper than it used to be.  We're going to be able to pay for the baby bed just by saving on Mommy's drinking bill." (After he'd had a goldfish bowl sized Dos Equis and I had "gotten a little crazy" by ordering an iced tea instead of a water.  Nice.)

The dark side of shopping, becoming a good housewifey, and why I'm not excellent at yoga

Here are some less-than-earth-shattering happenings around Casa de Smith lately:

• Last weekend we went car-shopping.  Right now Jeromy is driving the 1991 Lexus that we got as a hand-me-down from my grandparents, but its days seem to be numbered; some of the recent repair costs have been almost as much as the value of the car itself.  So we ventured into the world of slimy car salesman to start looking for a replacement.  We've decided that we want something pretty small with really good gas mileage, but that is "fun to drive" for Jeromy, who gave up his bachelor sports car baby right before we got married.  Right now Jeromy's top choice is this:  

Volkswagen Golf GTI

        It may look sort of petite and bashful, but Jeromy was having no problem driving it like he stole it. I mean, when we got on the highway, I was Soccer Mom Arm-ing myself.  But, apparently an even more exciting version of the car is available in Europe and is rumored to be coming to the U.S. this summer, so of course Jeromy wants to wait for that one.  I told him that if we bought an infant car seat before we buy a car, the car will have to accommodate the car seat, and not the other way around.  

•  We have also been going mattress shopping.  After lots of complaining from me about our current mattress--which is about 10 years old--Jeromy agreed that it might be time for a new one.  He's pretty certain that 95% of my discomfort is pregnancy-related, and that I'm still going to get up at 4 a.m. to sleep on the chair in the family room, and he may be right.  But what I say is, when you roll from one side of our bed to the other, you have to get up enough momentum to make it over the hump in the middle, it's time to put that mattress out to pasture.  So far, all I can say is that mattress shopping, like car shopping, involves overly-talkative salespeople and fake prices that you have to harass them into lowering.  At this point, it's looking like the mattress decision will be more difficult that the car decision.  Boo.

• Today I signed up for a 3-day, 10-hour Basic Sewing class.  After taking Home Ec. in 6th grade, I was actually pretty decent with a sewing machine, and had about 525 scrunchies and a nifty "locker caddy" and matching tote bag to prove it.  But 6th grade was a loooooong time ago, and I need a refresher.  I'm hoping to get to the point where I can make some curtains and simple baby stuff without destroying the fabric, machine, or myself.

This whole "cooking" thing is hard...maybe I'll try sewing instead.

• I am trying to get into a routine of doing prenatal yoga regularly.  It's supposed to be really good for pregnancy discomfort, labor stamina, and, according to the lady on my video, "connecting with your baby on a deeper level" (imagine Jeromy snorting in the next room).  The first time I did the video, which was about 5 minutes after finding out I was pregnant, I thought it was ridiculously easy.  When I did it yesterday, I definitely felt the stretches a lot more and even got a little dizzy.  But, I really enjoyed the close-your-eyes-and-empty-your-mind part at the end....until it was interrupted by the sounds of machine gun fire from upstairs.  Which brings me to perhaps the most important piece of news from the Smith household:

• Jeromy recently got the newest version of his favorite video game, and our house sounds like a war-zone.  Awesome.  I mean, if it wasn't for this:

Husband Mesmerizer

         I might have been able to get into the yoga zone enough to do this:

Yeah, right.

***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

"This whole 9 month thing is no good for impatient people.  It's like ordering something and then having it walked across the country to you.  I want it delivered NOW."

Getting a bit bumpy....

You had to know it was coming, and now it's here:  the post in which we look at pictures of me from the side and analyze my baby belly!   Aren't you excited??!!

I can actually still zip and button most of my pants, but a few weeks ago I noticed that my jeans were sort of falling down, which seemed really strange to me, because I knew I certainly wasn't losing weight (hello, mac and cheese)  Finally, I realized that my belly was pushing down the waist of my jeans and creating a really unfortunate bunching/sagging situation in the crotch area.  Which I'm pretty sure does NOT fall under the category of "Hot Fall Fashions"--pregnant or not.  So I stated wearing a Bella Band, which, for those of you who have not been pregnant recently, is a *magical* stretchy tube that holds up and smooths over your pants when they are unbuttoned:  

Dead sexy, right??

I've decided that the specialty maternity stores (Pea in the Pod, etc.), like wedding dress stores, are conspiring together to charge women outrageous sums of money for pieces of fabric, just because they can.  I have started stalking the cute maternity clothes at Target, but let's just pretend for Jeromy that there is absolutely no shopping going on, and that instead I am fashioning muumuus and giant pants out of trashbags and duct tape.  And, yes, that is how you spell "muumuu;" I looked it up. 

 So, back to the star of this post, my belly.  When people see me in regular clothes--jeans, sweaters, etc.--it's still not at all obvious that I'm carrying a little peach-sized Smith Fruit, especially with the Bella Band, which kind of sucks everything in.  If you saw me out and about, it would probably just look like I've been eating too much oh, I don't know....mac and cheese, perhaps.  In less restrictive pants, on the other hand, the bump is suddenly much more apparent:

Pregnant Lady Mugshot

So you could say that I enhanced things a bit, because in these pictures I'm wearing super loose pants and a really tight tank top.  But still....the belly is THERE, people!  We never took the pictures to prove it, but I did NOT look like this 3 months ago.  And I did NOT have to twist around in weird positions to buckle the ankle straps on my sandals.  

Oh, and in case you think I cheated by sticking my stomach out....oh, no no. HERE is what I look like when I REALLY pooch it out there:

RAAAWWWWWRRRRR!!!  BELLY MONSTER!!!!!

So, now I'm beginning to wonder just how big I'm going to look and feel 6 months from now.  The words "aircraft carrier" come to mind.....

***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

 On being asked by me, for about the 12th time, to feel my stomach and confirm that I do in fact have a baby belly going on:  "Ok, yes!!  It's out there.  You are no longer going to be running into things boobs-first."

Pickle Tragedy!

So, I ate an entire jar of dill pickles in under 48 hours.  And then I didn't have anymore, which made me really sad:

 No, I didn't eat them with ice cream; I ate them all by themselves.  And they were fantaaaaaaastic.

Questionable Parenting Around the World: A film Review by Rebecca

Imagine my complete shock surprise when Jeromy informed me that the documentary Babies was available on Netflix Instant Queue (Greatest Invention of Our Time) AND that he was actually willing to sit through it with me.  As we settled in to watch it, I promised myself that I would keep my cooing to a minimum in deference to my Baby Daddy's extremely low tolerance for sentimental movies.

If you haven't seen the movie or its preview--it follows the lives of four babies from four different countries (Mongolia, Japan, Namibia, and the U.S.) from birth to their first steps.  There is no narrator with informative voice-overs, just footage of the babies and their families.  There's not even much talking--you only hear the family members murmuring or singing to their babies, 3/4 of which is in untranslated foreign languages.  While I get it that the filmmakers were trying to just be unobtrusive, non-judgmental observers of the different cultures, I did find myself wishing that there was some narration to give more information.  For example, why did the mother from Namibia rub red paste all over her belly right before giving birth--is this some kind of natural alternative to the epidural that I should be aware of??  And why did the Mongolians keep the baby's legs wrapped up into such a paralyzingly tight burrito?

Over the course of the movie, it's difficult not to get the impression that the filmmakers were trying to subtly imply that Americans tend to overly fussy and paranoid when it comes to babies and children.  Which is probably true.  For me, this was both alarming and comforting.  Alarming, because I'm pretty sure I will be a fairly fussy and paranoid parent despite my best efforts not to be.  I'm always smacking Jeromy's arm and saying things like, "Oh no!  That child dropped his cheerio on the ground and the picked it up and ate it and the mom didn't see!"  It was also comforting, though, because the movie makes it seem like kids are not as easily damaged as we think.  

Here are a few of the scenarios that you see in the movie that, as a parent, I would probably try to avoid at all costs:

• A large rooster is strutting around on the bed next to the Mongolian baby, who seems to be left alone a lot.  Me: Ack!  That rooster is going poop on the baby and give him bird flu!
• The Namibian baby frequently wallows in the dirt and puts unidentifiable objects in his mouth.  Me: Was that a bug or a piece of bone?  I think that baby just ate a bone chip!
• The older brother of the Mongolian baby wheels his defenseless sibling in his stroller out into the middle of the family's grazing cows.  Me: Those cows are going to knock over the stroller and trample the baby!  That mean older brother needs a SERIOUS time out!
• The Namibian baby NEVER wears any kind of diaper, and his mom uses her knee as a baby wipe.   Me: I'm really excited to be a parent and all, but I don't think I'll ever love another human being quite THAT much.
• Once he seems to be weaned off of breast milk, the Namibian baby has to shove his way in to get food from a dish shared by several other children, all of whom are quite a bit larger and more aggressive than he is.  Me: What, you think they're all just going to share nicely, Namibian Mommy??  Did you not READ Lord of the Flies?? 

The scariest thing that the American baby does--which, in full disclosure, did also stress me out a bit--was try to play with the family cat.  Of course, all of the above scenarios turn out just fine--no harm ever comes to any of the babies.  In fact, the  Mongolian and Namibian babies come across as being much more mellow and independent than the Japanese and American babies.

So, I think it was definitely good for me, O.C.D.-Parent-in-Training, to watch.  Jeromy did pretty well with it; he thought it was a bit slow and repetitive, but at least he didn't grumble about wanting two hours of his life back, which is what happened after I got him to watch the Phantom of the Opera movie with me.  

Speaking of my beloved husband...

***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

On possible baby names:  "We should totally just name the baby Doctor.  That way, everyone automatically has to call our child Doctor Smith!  That would be awesome."  (So now, of course, "Doctor" is our nickname for the baby...talk about setting high parental expectations!)

It might be a gymnast, but I will draw the line at a Mary Lou Retton haircut

Today I had my second doctor's appointment, and since it was supposed to be another "Don't Miss" for the father, Jeromy again bravely accompanied me to the OBGYN office, which he calls "the Alien Universe" because "it's like a time warp that you get sucked into and can't get out of."  It's true that we were there for a couple of hours again, and kept getting cycled back out into the waiting room between the ultrasound, the exam, the lab work, etc.  

The only really exciting part of the appointment was, of course, getting another ultrasound, which they only did because it's part of the Down syndrome/chromosomal abnormalities testing that Jeromy and I opted to do. We're not considered high risk, but the doctor recommended it.  The sonogram tech zoomed in on the baby, which definitely looked more like a human this time.  Jeromy commented that it looked like the baby was just laying there, "hanging out."  Right then, the baby did a big bouncing type move!  I'm not really sure how to describe it, other than that it looked like when a kid on a trampoline jumps and then sort of sits on the trampoline to bounce on his butt.  Jeromy and I both went, "whoa, what was that?!"  I thought maybe it was like a full-body hiccup, but the technician said babies sometimes just bounce off like that.  We saw it happen a few times, and we could definitely see some movement and twitching limbs...pretty amazing!  It's hard to believe that I can't tell that there is something the size of a lime doing gymnastics in my belly, but supposedly it will be at least another month before I can feel anything.

Unfortunately, they decided to be super-efficient by taking the blood sample for the test during the ultrasound.  I got pretty distracted, because the lab lady said she was "jsut going to do a little finger prick", which I hate; I tried to get her to take blood from my arm instead, but she didn't go for it.  So she popped the little needle into my finger, and I was brave and didn't make a peep, but then it wouldn't even bleed!   So she began squeezing the heck out of my finger, and Jeromy started massaging down my arm to try to help, and all I wanted to do was have a precious darn moment with the ultrasound of my wiggly baby! Finally, the lab tech called me a mean name ("non-bleeder") and switched to my other hand.  She still had to wring and squeeze my second finger to get out a few drops of blood, but she finally got what she needed.  No wonder my hands are always cold...I have no blood circulating through them!

When we went in to see the doctor, it was pretty uneventful...how are you feeling, blah blah blah, any questions, blah blah, blah.  She did ask me about my nutrition, and I had to confess that I had pretty much abandoned meat and vegetables in favor of all things starchy.  And SOMEONE whose name rhymes with "Deromy" told her about my little mac and cheese problem.  No more OBGYN appointments for him for a while!

Here's one of the latest ultrasound pictures...head on the left, foot sticking up on the right.

If it looks like the head is the same size as the whole rest of the body, it's because at this stage, it is. 

 ***GEMS FROM JEROMY***

On being shown a photograph of what the average fetus looks like at 9 weeks: "It looks like a shrimp.  Kinda makes me hungry."  (He was a little bit in trouble for this one)